As God usually does, when He knows your life needs to change, He allows changes to take place.
I was director of a large childcare program. A lot of responsibility, many rewards and many struggles. Slowly, it became overwhelming and a strain on me. It was hard to be WITH, when I was home. It was hard to manage when staff depended on me and had expectations on me, my supervisors became overwhelmed with their own job duties and without their support, I couldn't do it anymore.
I left my job nearly 3 weeks ago now. Being in limbo like that is terrifying! I had enough vacation pay to get me through just fine, but not knowing what to expect is always hard for this planning momma!
The Early Childhood field is in a terrible place, good people and qualified people are hard to come by. That made the job hunting easier. Interviews all over the place. My degree and experience qualifies me for almost any position. The catch was that I needed to find the right place for me professionally and the right job that would provide for my family.
I've been blessed to have accepted a job offer just this past week. I felt God leading me to this job, even though it is lower pay than another job offer, we'll be able to drop our children off at school and pick them up from school most days. I also had a great connection with my new boss and her supervisor. It's a job that encourages growth and I expect to learn and grow there!
My new role will be as an Infant Nursery Supervisor. A new role for me professionally, but one I've been trained in and have a lot of knowledge and some experience with. I'm excited for it and nervous of course. I'm looking forward to what God has planned for me.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Conversational Depth
It was time for the girls to get their hair trimmed. While cutting my daughter's hair, the hair dresser tried to make conversation and asked me about my kids...I find it intriguing how small talk begins honest and innocent, but then quickly turns into a dance of how much you are willing to share:
"Are these your only children?" Yup, just two!
"Just girls, no boys?" No, only girls.... I don't mention that I always dreamed of having a boy too.
"You're young, don't you want any more?" Hmm...glad to hear I still look young. Still a safe, easy question to answer truthfully. No, I hear myself say, I don't think so.
"But you're so young, are you sure?" She's more bold than most. In the split second before I answer, I consider how deep to go with this conversation. Do I bring up cancer? Do I bring up the grief I went through in letting go of my dreams to have more children? No, those topics make people uncomfortable and create an awkward chasm in conversations. "I'm happy with my two." Still honest, but a cover to keep the conversation shallow and light. I wish I knew a way to share more depth of myself without creating the awkward silence when the other person doesn't know they just opened a can of worms.
How can we share our hurts and love those who hurt? Without pushing people away? It's such a fragile place. In the midst of dealing with my husband's cancer, there were times I got so tired of other people being clueless that I was falling apart on the inside. I imagined screaming to them, "I'm not just another person! My husband is sick and I don't know what that's going to do to me, to my kids, to my marriage! My life is drastically changed and nobody even notices!"
That's not how people behave in our society, but sometimes I wish we could. I wish we could share our hurts openly and in return receive loving support. We don't know how to act with each other in the depths of our real lives. The people who were the most helpful, the most supportive were those who offered to pray, to be there for whatever and whenever I needed them, the people who didn't talk about themselves, but allowed me to share myself and validated those feelings.
One friend and co-worker made the biggest impact with a simple direction. She knew my faith and she directed me towards Philippians 4. She told me to meditate on it, to study it, and see what God had for me there. Her advice changed my life and turned a very negative tragedy into one that brought good into my life. The kind of good that turns heartbreak into purpose.
I pray that you all have at least one person like my friend. To listen. Support. And to direct you towards God's love for us in the midst of life's biggest hurts.
"Are these your only children?" Yup, just two!
"Just girls, no boys?" No, only girls.... I don't mention that I always dreamed of having a boy too.
"You're young, don't you want any more?" Hmm...glad to hear I still look young. Still a safe, easy question to answer truthfully. No, I hear myself say, I don't think so.
"But you're so young, are you sure?" She's more bold than most. In the split second before I answer, I consider how deep to go with this conversation. Do I bring up cancer? Do I bring up the grief I went through in letting go of my dreams to have more children? No, those topics make people uncomfortable and create an awkward chasm in conversations. "I'm happy with my two." Still honest, but a cover to keep the conversation shallow and light. I wish I knew a way to share more depth of myself without creating the awkward silence when the other person doesn't know they just opened a can of worms.
How can we share our hurts and love those who hurt? Without pushing people away? It's such a fragile place. In the midst of dealing with my husband's cancer, there were times I got so tired of other people being clueless that I was falling apart on the inside. I imagined screaming to them, "I'm not just another person! My husband is sick and I don't know what that's going to do to me, to my kids, to my marriage! My life is drastically changed and nobody even notices!"
That's not how people behave in our society, but sometimes I wish we could. I wish we could share our hurts openly and in return receive loving support. We don't know how to act with each other in the depths of our real lives. The people who were the most helpful, the most supportive were those who offered to pray, to be there for whatever and whenever I needed them, the people who didn't talk about themselves, but allowed me to share myself and validated those feelings.
One friend and co-worker made the biggest impact with a simple direction. She knew my faith and she directed me towards Philippians 4. She told me to meditate on it, to study it, and see what God had for me there. Her advice changed my life and turned a very negative tragedy into one that brought good into my life. The kind of good that turns heartbreak into purpose.
I pray that you all have at least one person like my friend. To listen. Support. And to direct you towards God's love for us in the midst of life's biggest hurts.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Shopping Trip
I took my girls out shopping to spend their monthly allowance...my error was that I also tried to get my grocery shopping accomplished too! We were away from home for 5-hours!!!
First, I made my monthly stop at Costco and of course we had to check out every single Sample Station along the way and the book section -in case the girls found something to purchase, of course!
My favorite part was being able to tell them: "That isn't on my shopping list, but if you would like to use your own money for it, you may." It was my go-to line several times on this trip!
Since it was our first stop of several, I put the cold items in my Costco Bag -the one with the thick insulated walls! I love this bag! It only gets used for groceries, but when I'm making several stops, it keeps my cold items cold until we reach home, and is sturdy enough to carry without breaking the straps when I have it filled to the max!
Next we stopped for lunch (my favorite part of the day-spending time with them) and hit Wal-Mart. Since we'd already wasted a good amount of time, I set my phone timer for 15-minutes and gave them instructions: "When my phone beeps, it will be time to go grocery shopping and we'll be all done in the toy section." They finished their shopping with 4-minutes to spare!
It's fun to watch them shop because they are extremely selective when it comes to spending their own money! We wasted some time searching for a price checker - 3 of the 4 we tried weren't working. :/ Two bathroom trips later...yes, two! We finally completed our shopping at Wal-mart and were on our way to King Soopers!
Every week I go to at least two stores to complete my shopping. It began with my hubby's preference for cardboard carton milk over plastic jug milk. When Wal-mart stopped carrying his milk, I started shopping at two stores. As Wal-mart has increasingly struggled to keep their shelves supplied, I have learned to look first at Wal-mart (their prices are still typically lowest, unless King Soopers has a sale). Whatever I don't find at Wal-mart I can usually find at King Soopers.
We made a quick trip to King Soopers and then we finally made it home! They showed off their purchases to their daddy and helped bring in the groceries and put them away. A long day, but rewarding too!
First, I made my monthly stop at Costco and of course we had to check out every single Sample Station along the way and the book section -in case the girls found something to purchase, of course!
My favorite part was being able to tell them: "That isn't on my shopping list, but if you would like to use your own money for it, you may." It was my go-to line several times on this trip!
Since it was our first stop of several, I put the cold items in my Costco Bag -the one with the thick insulated walls! I love this bag! It only gets used for groceries, but when I'm making several stops, it keeps my cold items cold until we reach home, and is sturdy enough to carry without breaking the straps when I have it filled to the max!
Next we stopped for lunch (my favorite part of the day-spending time with them) and hit Wal-Mart. Since we'd already wasted a good amount of time, I set my phone timer for 15-minutes and gave them instructions: "When my phone beeps, it will be time to go grocery shopping and we'll be all done in the toy section." They finished their shopping with 4-minutes to spare!
It's fun to watch them shop because they are extremely selective when it comes to spending their own money! We wasted some time searching for a price checker - 3 of the 4 we tried weren't working. :/ Two bathroom trips later...yes, two! We finally completed our shopping at Wal-mart and were on our way to King Soopers!
Every week I go to at least two stores to complete my shopping. It began with my hubby's preference for cardboard carton milk over plastic jug milk. When Wal-mart stopped carrying his milk, I started shopping at two stores. As Wal-mart has increasingly struggled to keep their shelves supplied, I have learned to look first at Wal-mart (their prices are still typically lowest, unless King Soopers has a sale). Whatever I don't find at Wal-mart I can usually find at King Soopers.
We made a quick trip to King Soopers and then we finally made it home! They showed off their purchases to their daddy and helped bring in the groceries and put them away. A long day, but rewarding too!
Sunday, January 4, 2015
New Year, New Goals?
Reflecting on this past year, my 2014 goals started with the best of intentions as all goals do. I learned a lot about myself, there were some successes and some failures. A learning experience to be sure!
Goal #1: Deeper Relationship with Christ - IMPROVEMENT. I definitely spent more time with God and I've been more honest with Him, and I understand Him better than I used to. There is still more growing to do. I didn't do as well as I wanted to, but am doing better than I used to.
Goal #2: Get Healthier, Lose 7 Pounds - FAILURE. It was discouraging to see how slowly the weight decreased by eating better, only to see it climb quickly when my eating habits regressed. Mid-summer I got very discouraged and stressed with my job and I stopped caring about my weight...surviving life felt difficult enough...I've gained an additional two pounds from where I was last year; not where I wanted to be at all.
I'm disappointed in myself. I'm not surprised either. This goal was a new experience for me. I've learned a lot about my habits and I realize that I'm going to have to make losing weight a serious priority if I truly want to be successful at losing and keeping the weight off. I still want to lose the weight, but I haven't decided if I'm ready to dedicate myself to working on it yet. I have other things I'm focused on right now.
Goal #3: Spending more time WITH my Family - SUCCESS! It will be a life-long habit and a word that I carry with me. I'll never perfect it, but I noticed a big improvement in how I spent my time and energy.
Goal #4: Organize/De-clutter My Home - IMPROVEMENT. Some areas of my home are much improved this year, but not my multipurpose room as I had planned. I ended up focusing on improving my housework habits. I had one day off without the kids home and that is the day I went through one full box of papers that needed organizing. I still have several boxes to go through. On the plus side, we replaced our desks and added one for the girls. I've made a lot of progress in organization of what we use...I need to make progress on the piles we don't use.
2015 - Am I setting new goals?
I am making adjustments to my original goals and praying for God's guidance in two new areas. I still plan to continue working on my home, even if it is only 1-box per year. Progress is progress. I've set a temporary goal to use my treadmill 3 times per week for 30 minutes each time, and I'm thinking more carefully about what I eat again.
I am praying consistently about my job. I reached a breaking point and I am praying that God will reveal to me what changes I need to make -either changes within my job itself, or perhaps moving on to a different job completely. All I know for sure is that I struggled greatly these past 6 months, and it took a toll on my family. If it weren't for Christmas vacation, I may have had a breakdown. Something has to change.
I've felt God leading me to volunteer at church, but I'm unsure of how or where yet. I don't want to commit to more than I can handle -my plate is already full, but I do want to get involved somehow.
All in all, I am learning what is truly important in life - and sometimes goals need to be adjusted or let go, so that we can focus on learning, growing, and getting through hard times.
Goal #1: Deeper Relationship with Christ - IMPROVEMENT. I definitely spent more time with God and I've been more honest with Him, and I understand Him better than I used to. There is still more growing to do. I didn't do as well as I wanted to, but am doing better than I used to.
Goal #2: Get Healthier, Lose 7 Pounds - FAILURE. It was discouraging to see how slowly the weight decreased by eating better, only to see it climb quickly when my eating habits regressed. Mid-summer I got very discouraged and stressed with my job and I stopped caring about my weight...surviving life felt difficult enough...I've gained an additional two pounds from where I was last year; not where I wanted to be at all.
I'm disappointed in myself. I'm not surprised either. This goal was a new experience for me. I've learned a lot about my habits and I realize that I'm going to have to make losing weight a serious priority if I truly want to be successful at losing and keeping the weight off. I still want to lose the weight, but I haven't decided if I'm ready to dedicate myself to working on it yet. I have other things I'm focused on right now.
Goal #3: Spending more time WITH my Family - SUCCESS! It will be a life-long habit and a word that I carry with me. I'll never perfect it, but I noticed a big improvement in how I spent my time and energy.
Goal #4: Organize/De-clutter My Home - IMPROVEMENT. Some areas of my home are much improved this year, but not my multipurpose room as I had planned. I ended up focusing on improving my housework habits. I had one day off without the kids home and that is the day I went through one full box of papers that needed organizing. I still have several boxes to go through. On the plus side, we replaced our desks and added one for the girls. I've made a lot of progress in organization of what we use...I need to make progress on the piles we don't use.
2015 - Am I setting new goals?
I am making adjustments to my original goals and praying for God's guidance in two new areas. I still plan to continue working on my home, even if it is only 1-box per year. Progress is progress. I've set a temporary goal to use my treadmill 3 times per week for 30 minutes each time, and I'm thinking more carefully about what I eat again.
I am praying consistently about my job. I reached a breaking point and I am praying that God will reveal to me what changes I need to make -either changes within my job itself, or perhaps moving on to a different job completely. All I know for sure is that I struggled greatly these past 6 months, and it took a toll on my family. If it weren't for Christmas vacation, I may have had a breakdown. Something has to change.
I've felt God leading me to volunteer at church, but I'm unsure of how or where yet. I don't want to commit to more than I can handle -my plate is already full, but I do want to get involved somehow.
All in all, I am learning what is truly important in life - and sometimes goals need to be adjusted or let go, so that we can focus on learning, growing, and getting through hard times.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Top 10 Favorite Things about Christmas Break
From Thanksgiving to Christmas our schedule was jam-packed with events. Every weekend was spent traveling to and from events...never again! It felt like such a rushed Christmas season and so full that it was difficult to enjoy.
Thankfully, I was able to take the week of Christmas off from work and it was a much needed break -mentally and physically! My children and hubby rested and healed from stuffy noses and coughs, while I relished in the bliss of focusing all my attention on God, Family and Home! (My dream job, you know!)
Top 10 Favorite Things about Christmas Break:
10. Time for everything! I didn't have to sacrifice family time to get housework done, there was plenty of time for it all.
9. Spending a few $$ on myself from a co-worker's gift...I hate spending money on myself, but when it is gifted to me, I can allow myself the pleasure without the normal guilt of spending money on me...I'm too practical sometimes.
8. Mental relief from work-related stress.
7. Uninterrupted time with my family!
6. Staying up late watching favorite shows and movies.
5. Sleeping in as late as we wanted to...even the kids slept in for a change!
4. Being WITH my kids: baking cookies and playing in the snow...we actually got some snow this year for Christmas!
3. Making and delivering goody bags to my hubby's co-workers and a couple of staff in the cancer center who helped make our cancer experience easier.
2. Watching the joyful moments as others opened their gifts. It's such a thrill to pick out special gift for someone! Receiving is nice because I feel special, but giving is so much more fun!
1. Celebrating Jesus' birth with a really neat Advent Calendar by thrivingfamily.com and watching my girls perform in the church children's choir on Christmas Eve!
Here's the card our oldest gave us...so precious!
Thankfully, I was able to take the week of Christmas off from work and it was a much needed break -mentally and physically! My children and hubby rested and healed from stuffy noses and coughs, while I relished in the bliss of focusing all my attention on God, Family and Home! (My dream job, you know!)
Top 10 Favorite Things about Christmas Break:
10. Time for everything! I didn't have to sacrifice family time to get housework done, there was plenty of time for it all.
9. Spending a few $$ on myself from a co-worker's gift...I hate spending money on myself, but when it is gifted to me, I can allow myself the pleasure without the normal guilt of spending money on me...I'm too practical sometimes.
8. Mental relief from work-related stress.
7. Uninterrupted time with my family!
6. Staying up late watching favorite shows and movies.
5. Sleeping in as late as we wanted to...even the kids slept in for a change!
4. Being WITH my kids: baking cookies and playing in the snow...we actually got some snow this year for Christmas!
3. Making and delivering goody bags to my hubby's co-workers and a couple of staff in the cancer center who helped make our cancer experience easier.
2. Watching the joyful moments as others opened their gifts. It's such a thrill to pick out special gift for someone! Receiving is nice because I feel special, but giving is so much more fun!
1. Celebrating Jesus' birth with a really neat Advent Calendar by thrivingfamily.com and watching my girls perform in the church children's choir on Christmas Eve!
Here's the card our oldest gave us...so precious!
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Being an Example
We're constantly setting an example for the world to see, whether we like it or not. Many times I am not a great example and sometimes I can be.
I'm not mad at God anymore, thankfully. It was quite the slump I was in though! My stubborn, stiff-necked self needs to find that place where I have no other way to turn except away from God or towards Him. He truly is the only best answer.
This past week I had a staff meeting at work. Our devotion was on the power of the tongue and gossip. One of the points that was made came from 1 Samuel 16:7 where God informs Samuel that "man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart." Most times the focus from teachings about that verse is on how our Lord sees our heart. But this time the focus was on the first part...how man sees what is visible. Our lives are a constant example to others of who God is because we are His representatives.
I sorely needed that reminder. Even when I'm being sinful and selfish, I can't just take off that "hat" of being a representative for Christ. There is more than just me and my soul at stake. I cannot get stuck on myself or I neglect God's calling on my life to represent Him in everything I do.
Another point God has made for me recently is from John 4:42. It's the passage about Jesus talking to the Samaritan woman at the well. The people in her town originally believed in Jesus as Messiah because of the woman's reaction to Him. Verse 42 says, "And they told the woman, 'We no longer believe because of what you said, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this really is the Savior of the world."
That verse is a parallel to what happens now in our time. When we share Christ with others, they often come to Him because they are influenced by the change and excitement we have shared, but once they meet Jesus for themselves, He becomes the lasting reason for their faith. We don't have to sustain someone else's faith, we simply point the way and let Him do the rest!
I'm not mad at God anymore, thankfully. It was quite the slump I was in though! My stubborn, stiff-necked self needs to find that place where I have no other way to turn except away from God or towards Him. He truly is the only best answer.
This past week I had a staff meeting at work. Our devotion was on the power of the tongue and gossip. One of the points that was made came from 1 Samuel 16:7 where God informs Samuel that "man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart." Most times the focus from teachings about that verse is on how our Lord sees our heart. But this time the focus was on the first part...how man sees what is visible. Our lives are a constant example to others of who God is because we are His representatives.
I sorely needed that reminder. Even when I'm being sinful and selfish, I can't just take off that "hat" of being a representative for Christ. There is more than just me and my soul at stake. I cannot get stuck on myself or I neglect God's calling on my life to represent Him in everything I do.
Another point God has made for me recently is from John 4:42. It's the passage about Jesus talking to the Samaritan woman at the well. The people in her town originally believed in Jesus as Messiah because of the woman's reaction to Him. Verse 42 says, "And they told the woman, 'We no longer believe because of what you said, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this really is the Savior of the world."
That verse is a parallel to what happens now in our time. When we share Christ with others, they often come to Him because they are influenced by the change and excitement we have shared, but once they meet Jesus for themselves, He becomes the lasting reason for their faith. We don't have to sustain someone else's faith, we simply point the way and let Him do the rest!
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Mad at God
Have you ever been through a struggle, or a series of struggles that caused you to question your faith? Have you ever been mad at God for not fixing a situation or allowing repeated difficult situations happen to you/around you?
Recently I had been through so much struggle that I actually told God that I didn't trust Him anymore. So many different things were going wrong and I didn't even want to talk to Him at all. I felt a betrayed that so much was allowed to happen to me.
Let me tell you one thing. Being mad at God is a million times worse than just going through the hard stuff. Being mad at God leaves you alone and helpless. You don't want to pray or you don't feel worthy enough to pray. It totally cuts you off from your peace, your protection, and your comfort. Such a place of darkness.
I felt so unworthy, but I knew I had to repent and ask forgiveness. I said the words and I meant them, but when I prayed my unworthy self felt nothing. I didn't "feel" sorry, but I knew I needed to move on and move on with my Lord and Savior.
He always amazes me, but He began touching my life again, and He's waiting patiently to touch yours too if you're in a place like that. He'll bring meaning to you through His Word and He will touch your heart.
It's okay if you don't believe it right now. We all have those times and need to find the place where we will be vulnerable and surrender to Him. You'll get there, and if it's not too much to say, you'll be better for it when you do.
Recently I had been through so much struggle that I actually told God that I didn't trust Him anymore. So many different things were going wrong and I didn't even want to talk to Him at all. I felt a betrayed that so much was allowed to happen to me.
Let me tell you one thing. Being mad at God is a million times worse than just going through the hard stuff. Being mad at God leaves you alone and helpless. You don't want to pray or you don't feel worthy enough to pray. It totally cuts you off from your peace, your protection, and your comfort. Such a place of darkness.
I felt so unworthy, but I knew I had to repent and ask forgiveness. I said the words and I meant them, but when I prayed my unworthy self felt nothing. I didn't "feel" sorry, but I knew I needed to move on and move on with my Lord and Savior.
He always amazes me, but He began touching my life again, and He's waiting patiently to touch yours too if you're in a place like that. He'll bring meaning to you through His Word and He will touch your heart.
It's okay if you don't believe it right now. We all have those times and need to find the place where we will be vulnerable and surrender to Him. You'll get there, and if it's not too much to say, you'll be better for it when you do.
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