The past 5 weeks has been an emotional roller coaster for me and blogging has been challenging.
My family struggled with colds and flu bugs for about 3 weeks. On top of struggling at home, I was struggling at work and it overwhelmed me. I got depressed. All my good intentions and motives to accomplish those lovely goals of mine went down the toilet. As I got frustrated and the stress mounted, I stopped caring about eating right. I stopped caring about cleaning my house. I stopped being intentional about spending time with God or my family.
I gained back some weight which only proved to discourage me further. My house became a live-in pigsty and I withdrew emotionally from everyone. Every goal I had set faded into the background.
What finally broke through that fog of stress and depression was a Sunday afternoon when once again I was struggling with work at home. I got angry and I went to my journal and I vented to God. I unleashed all that pent up frustration, all the discouragement and how my selfish heart thought He had stopped working in my life. Amazingly, despite my terrible attitude, He provided a solution to my immediate problem within a few short minutes after my venting.
It was humbling. Here I was accusing Him and complaining, when He had never left me. He had never forsaken me. I could only apologize and it taught me a valuable lesson. In my prayers, for the past many years without realizing it, I have pretended, I put up a wall of false humility pretending with all the ways I had learned were the "proper, Christian" methods of speaking to the Lord. I wasn't being real or honest with myself or with God.
It's been 2 weeks since that Sunday afternoon and I am getting back to my positive outlook. I perceive God to be actively involved in my life and I strive to make sure that false humility doesn't sneak back up on me. It prevented me from having a true intimate relationship with God. He wants to know you. He wants to know me. He wants the raw you. No false pretenses. No pretending you have it all together. No assumptions about what you have to do to reach Him, to earn His blessing. He gives freely and we must learn to give ourselves freely in return.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Sunday, March 2, 2014
WITH Success!
My children lately have not had much WITH time from me lately so this weekend it was my main focus. Today I spent nearly every moment with them.
We went to church together, they to their Sunday school class and I to service, we worked all together in cleaning each girl's bedroom, and the living room, we watched a movie together and overall was a very good and productive weekend!
After having illness in our home over the past two weeks, our house needed a thorough deep clean! It was fun to be together and see the progress.
The girls don't enjoy cleaning, but when we are all together, they are much more cheerful in the process and they always love the outcome of a clean floor!
They even got to get out some of their toys they hadn't seen in over a month! ...I have to explain that one...their toys are kept in labeled bins on the top shelves of their closets and they have to have a clean room to get any new ones out. So far it isn't good enough incentive to get them to clean on their own much, but it does reduce the size of a mess they can create. I am thankful for our time together this weekend!
We went to church together, they to their Sunday school class and I to service, we worked all together in cleaning each girl's bedroom, and the living room, we watched a movie together and overall was a very good and productive weekend!
After having illness in our home over the past two weeks, our house needed a thorough deep clean! It was fun to be together and see the progress.
The girls don't enjoy cleaning, but when we are all together, they are much more cheerful in the process and they always love the outcome of a clean floor!
They even got to get out some of their toys they hadn't seen in over a month! ...I have to explain that one...their toys are kept in labeled bins on the top shelves of their closets and they have to have a clean room to get any new ones out. So far it isn't good enough incentive to get them to clean on their own much, but it does reduce the size of a mess they can create. I am thankful for our time together this weekend!
Friday, February 28, 2014
Goal Update
February flew by! Can you believe it is already March?! Life has been incredibly busy, but I have been working on my goals and thought you might enjoy a quick update.
Goal 1: Deeper Relationship with God...it has been a struggle for the past few weeks to be honest. My work responsibilities have been overwhelming and I have to say that I was trying to do a lot in my own power without trusting God to carry me through.
Knowing that my struggle was affecting my attitude, I began to work at making sure I kept the lines of communication open between me and God. One of my favorite ways to hear the Lord is by setting my alarm clock to sound off with KLOVE radio. Almost every morning I wake up to the lyrics of a song that are exactly the words I need to hear and meditate on. It's a great way to wake up!
Goal 2: Getting Healthier...losing 7 pounds. I've been following my plan pretty consistently until this last week where our family went through a nasty tummy bug. While I was sick I went down to a solid 5.5 pounds weight-loss, but of course some of that was water weight, which I have taken back now that I am doing better. The good news is that I can say I've truly lost 3 pounds in 2 months.
I realize that for some, three pounds in two months is a sad number when you can go elsewhere online and find someone who is losing double digits in a month. I am simply thrilled to be losing weight, period. I'm not as concerned with how long it takes, just that I am losing my extra pounds.
Goal 3: Spending time WITH my family...My job has been incredibly stressful lately and I have to admit I've had some moments where I lost it and was short-tempered with my children. However, I have also had some great moments. We've been playing board games -a perfect quality time activity -and I am keeping better boundaries on putting my phone away so that I am WITH instead of just located near them.
Goal 4: Decluttering I think it is safe to say I have successfully avoided this goal for the past couple weeks. I did however find a desk for my children to use that I want to put in this space and so it has been on my mind more often that I need to make time to tackle the piles.
Goal 1: Deeper Relationship with God...it has been a struggle for the past few weeks to be honest. My work responsibilities have been overwhelming and I have to say that I was trying to do a lot in my own power without trusting God to carry me through.
Knowing that my struggle was affecting my attitude, I began to work at making sure I kept the lines of communication open between me and God. One of my favorite ways to hear the Lord is by setting my alarm clock to sound off with KLOVE radio. Almost every morning I wake up to the lyrics of a song that are exactly the words I need to hear and meditate on. It's a great way to wake up!
Goal 2: Getting Healthier...losing 7 pounds. I've been following my plan pretty consistently until this last week where our family went through a nasty tummy bug. While I was sick I went down to a solid 5.5 pounds weight-loss, but of course some of that was water weight, which I have taken back now that I am doing better. The good news is that I can say I've truly lost 3 pounds in 2 months.
I realize that for some, three pounds in two months is a sad number when you can go elsewhere online and find someone who is losing double digits in a month. I am simply thrilled to be losing weight, period. I'm not as concerned with how long it takes, just that I am losing my extra pounds.
Goal 3: Spending time WITH my family...My job has been incredibly stressful lately and I have to admit I've had some moments where I lost it and was short-tempered with my children. However, I have also had some great moments. We've been playing board games -a perfect quality time activity -and I am keeping better boundaries on putting my phone away so that I am WITH instead of just located near them.
Goal 4: Decluttering I think it is safe to say I have successfully avoided this goal for the past couple weeks. I did however find a desk for my children to use that I want to put in this space and so it has been on my mind more often that I need to make time to tackle the piles.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Goal #4 - Organize / Declutter My Home
CLUTTER...ahhh! The mention of this word makes me cringe! Being a very visual person, clutter is my friend and my enemy! Working full time, being a mom and wife, and our small little home make clutter the biggest culprit of messes at home. In all honesty, clutter is a life-long battle and one I am preparing to face head on this year!
To narrow it down so I can be specific and purposeful, here are my main two goals in this area: (I plan to continue to the rest of the house after these first two steps)
1. Organize my paper clutter build-up.
I do not throw away any paper until I am for sure safe to not need it again...this habit while has been useful on occasion, has created piles of clutter. Last year I was able to get through my office paper clutter, so I know it is possible (see the before/after pics below!). This year I hope to demolish the remaining piles of clutter from the past and organize future clutter!
2. To develop a system of organization to avoid developing piles again.
I have filing cabinets. I have some shelving and obviously some skill at organizing. Now I need to make the time to find the best way to accomplish this and make it work for my style of home management...
1. Does organizing/decluttering follow God's plan?
Oh, in so many ways this follows God's plan! Now, it isn't truly the highest priority in my life and should never replace or become more important than time WITH God, Husband, or Children, but it is an important need for our home. Right now, this clutter has taken over the space that could be used by our family, and that is not good.
2. Is it a reasonable goal to accomplish given my strengths and weaknesses?
At work I am known for being organized...it is silly for me to do so well at work and struggle with this area at home! My weakness is my own pride and selfishness. I would much rather re-arrange a different room of the house to make it look brand new than spend the same amount of time cleaning up a pile of paper. I like the instant gratification and sense of accomplishment when I can see a drastic visual change for my efforts. Paper clutter on the other hand...oh dear...I can spend hours and not be able to see much difference. My strength however is determination and putting my mind and heart to it, especially knowing how it will impact our family life for the better is a great motivation!
3. How will it enhance the lives of those around me?
Our basement/family room is currently used as a multipurpose room. It is the one room in our home that can be a dedicated work space. My husband and I use it as a home office. It also contains our laundry room (aka closet), our treadmill, and storage for papers, games and arts & crafts. Because of my piles, my children have had to use the kitchen table for their workspace and do not have a designated space to work on projects or save a work in progress for later. Getting my paper clutter organized will allow the children to have a dedicated workspace in the same room as mom and dad's workspace!
4. Do I have support and accountability in accomplishing this goal?
The mess is in perfect sight every time I sit down at my computer so I isn't a goal I will forget or ignore for long. My husband will probably throw a party once this goal is complete because he hates it too, but is kind enough not to nag me about it. Making this public on my blog is another motivation and accountability method for me. I would be wholly embarrassed to be posting 6 months from now and not have made any progress to share with you.
5. Do I have a specific plan of action?
The first step will be to sort out what to keep, what to trash, and what to shred. That should decrease my pile of by at least 30-50%! Then I will have to sort the "keep" items and decide where each one will be stored or create a storage system that is easy to use and not just a clutter-hider.
Working full time, weekends are my best opportunity to focus on a big project like this, although weekends are also the best time for family events and other projects that are a higher priority for my husband than this project. I think a good goal would be to get the initial sorting process done by the end of March and the beginnings of sorting the "keep" items by the end of April.
Here is a "Before" picture, and God-willing, the After pictures will be here soon!
To narrow it down so I can be specific and purposeful, here are my main two goals in this area: (I plan to continue to the rest of the house after these first two steps)
1. Organize my paper clutter build-up.
I do not throw away any paper until I am for sure safe to not need it again...this habit while has been useful on occasion, has created piles of clutter. Last year I was able to get through my office paper clutter, so I know it is possible (see the before/after pics below!). This year I hope to demolish the remaining piles of clutter from the past and organize future clutter!
 |
| 2013 - BEFORE |
 |
| 2013 - AFTER |
2. To develop a system of organization to avoid developing piles again.
I have filing cabinets. I have some shelving and obviously some skill at organizing. Now I need to make the time to find the best way to accomplish this and make it work for my style of home management...
1. Does organizing/decluttering follow God's plan?
Oh, in so many ways this follows God's plan! Now, it isn't truly the highest priority in my life and should never replace or become more important than time WITH God, Husband, or Children, but it is an important need for our home. Right now, this clutter has taken over the space that could be used by our family, and that is not good.
2. Is it a reasonable goal to accomplish given my strengths and weaknesses?
At work I am known for being organized...it is silly for me to do so well at work and struggle with this area at home! My weakness is my own pride and selfishness. I would much rather re-arrange a different room of the house to make it look brand new than spend the same amount of time cleaning up a pile of paper. I like the instant gratification and sense of accomplishment when I can see a drastic visual change for my efforts. Paper clutter on the other hand...oh dear...I can spend hours and not be able to see much difference. My strength however is determination and putting my mind and heart to it, especially knowing how it will impact our family life for the better is a great motivation!
3. How will it enhance the lives of those around me?
Our basement/family room is currently used as a multipurpose room. It is the one room in our home that can be a dedicated work space. My husband and I use it as a home office. It also contains our laundry room (aka closet), our treadmill, and storage for papers, games and arts & crafts. Because of my piles, my children have had to use the kitchen table for their workspace and do not have a designated space to work on projects or save a work in progress for later. Getting my paper clutter organized will allow the children to have a dedicated workspace in the same room as mom and dad's workspace!
4. Do I have support and accountability in accomplishing this goal?
The mess is in perfect sight every time I sit down at my computer so I isn't a goal I will forget or ignore for long. My husband will probably throw a party once this goal is complete because he hates it too, but is kind enough not to nag me about it. Making this public on my blog is another motivation and accountability method for me. I would be wholly embarrassed to be posting 6 months from now and not have made any progress to share with you.
5. Do I have a specific plan of action?
The first step will be to sort out what to keep, what to trash, and what to shred. That should decrease my pile of by at least 30-50%! Then I will have to sort the "keep" items and decide where each one will be stored or create a storage system that is easy to use and not just a clutter-hider.
Working full time, weekends are my best opportunity to focus on a big project like this, although weekends are also the best time for family events and other projects that are a higher priority for my husband than this project. I think a good goal would be to get the initial sorting process done by the end of March and the beginnings of sorting the "keep" items by the end of April.
Here is a "Before" picture, and God-willing, the After pictures will be here soon!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Goal #3 - Spending more time WITH my Family
WITH, (yes capitalized!) has been a word that God has used to quickly and immediately remind me of the precious little time we have with our families in this life. As a full-time working mom, my children spend a good 40-50% of their waking hours in the care of others. Not at all my ideal way of raising my children, but it is my reality at this point in my life. There are days when it has been a challenging day at work and all I want to do is mentally veg out. I need rest, but my children need me. I tend to have a constant mental to-do list running through my brain and that distracts me from spending time physically and mentally WITH my children. This is actually a goal that God put on my heart over a year ago, and I continue to learn new ways of battling the selfish desires of my working mom lifestyle and keeping my godly desire to be a present mom and a mom who builds relationship with her children.
1. How does being WITH my children follow God's plan?
In my list of God-given priorities, my children are third in line, just below God and my husband. I use WITH to also remind me of time to be WITH God and my man, but my struggle in this goal is centered on my children. God has called me to raise godly young women and to be a role model, a source of safety, love, and joy for my children. It is my gift to teach them and prepare them to live a godly life in the fallen world around them. To be strong in their faith and to have a solid foundational understanding of who God is and who they are in Him.
2. Is being WITH, a reasonable goal I can accomplish with my strengths and weaknesses?
This goal in particular is a spiritual battle my saved self fights with my sinful desires. I fight against my weaknesses in prayer and in my relationship with the Lord, He is teaching me to be a better mother. My strengths include a strong desire to be the best -to be the Super MOM of faith for my children, an education centered in child development, and a God-given gift to see a spiritual need within the confusing contexts of a child's misbehavior. My weaknesses are those that are selfish, impatient, demanding, and sometimes angry when life gets busy or when circumstances fail to meet my expectations. I can only accomplish this goal with the grace of my Lord and Savior teaching me each step of the way.3. Does being WITH enhance the lives of those around me?
It is the best thing I can do! If I forget about being WITH, it is too easy to fall into selfish behaviors and neglect the time and care that my children and family need. Even with having a fulltime job, being able to interpret what priorities are at all moments of the day are vital to my ability to have a positive impact on the world around me.
4. Do I have support and accountability?
My ultimate support and accountability is God. He speaks to my heart and uses verses, reminders from my husband, and situations with my family that show me areas to improve, times when I need to make a change in my perspective, and when I've crossed that line and need to ask forgiveness. In my #1 Goal of having a deeper walk with the Lord, I cannot be successful in that Goal and ignore His leading in my life concerning this goal.
5. What is my specific plan of action?
This is complicated to explain in a short paragraph, but number one is spending time WITH God, which leads to my personal growth and a godly perspective on my life and my priorities. My internal "mantra" so to speak is to make as many moments in the day ones that build positive relationships with my girls, point them towards the Lord, and are me focusing wholly on the moment (the gift of time) with my children.
I fail daily in this goal, but I also succeed daily. As God continues to work on this area of my life, I will see more successes and less failures. This goal will never end and will never be perfected because I am a human mom and I make mistakes...however! With God's intervention my children will have the best mom God could have given them!
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Goal #2 - Get Healthier, Lose 7 Pounds
This goal is kind of a learn-as-you-go thing for me, being that this is my first serious attempt to lose weight. I'm using the concept of "Good, Better, Best" that I found in Elizabeth George's book, A Woman After God's Own Heart. Basically it is making choices that continually improve as you grow in your faith. I think it also applies to this goal. I'm starting out with a good idea and a good plan, as my habits begin to change, I can make my plan better and better until it is the best it can be.
I've given birth to two children in the past ten years. With each child I gained some weight that I've never lost. Each child, I gained a pant-size. It's been over 5 years since my last child and in the past year I have gained 7 pounds in addition to the baby-weight. My clothes are tight and I am not thrilled with the growing muffin-top...although my kids like to pat it and lay on my jiggly belly. At 5'3", my goal is to get down to 150 pounds from the 157.5 I was at the beginning of the year and to get healthier.
1. Does this goal follow God's priorities for my life?
My body is a temple for the living God...as such I need to feed it healthier foods and take better care of it. I have noticed an increasing lack of strength and muscle tone in my body, it shouldn't hurt to play with my children if my only reason for pain is being out of shape. I believe it is God's wish that all His children would be healthy and take care of themselves and others.
2. Is it a reasonable goal to accomplish with my strengths and weaknesses?
This question is a little more challenging. In my dream world, I will be able to lose all 32 pounds I have gained through child-bearing and eating poorly. But, knowing this is my first serious attempt and how hard it is to deny myself my favorite foods or the comfort of sitting brainless at the computer, I will be thrilled to lose the 7 pounds gained over the course of last year and fit well into my current clothing. I am hoping to create better eating habits and build upon those habits as I go.
3. Will this goal enhance the lives of those around me?
A resounding yes! My husband and children will greatly benefit from a healthier wife and mommy. My example of making healthier choices will be something my children can learn from and be proud of, and it will help encourage my husband in his own weight-loss battles.
4. Do I have support and accountability?
My husband is also in the mindset to lose weight. It was harder for me than him, but we actually had a candy-free Christmas this year and we didn't gain weight over the holidays! My co-worker's pact with her boyfriend to not eat out for 6 months is helping me to eat the school lunches at work rather than going out to eat during the work week. My accountability is lacking in this plan. To be honest, I have a fear of making a commitment and failing. Stepping on the scale is my biggest accountability so far because the scale doesn't lie.
5. What is my specific plan of action?
Consistency and learning new eating habits are my generic plans right now. We will see if this method works or not. Right now I am eating smaller portions, reducing my sugar intake (less pops, juice, and sweets). I am also working on drinking more water. During the work day I usually finish 16.9 oz, but I need to be drinking more than that. My goal right now is to drink at least twice that much. I do usually drink a good 24 oz at home in the evenings, but not always.
So far my plan seems to be working, at least slowly! I have lost 2.5 pounds in the last 5 weeks. "Slow and steady, steady and slow. That's the way we always go!" ~quote from my childhood Mickey Mouse book about Donald & Goofy racing. :0)
I've given birth to two children in the past ten years. With each child I gained some weight that I've never lost. Each child, I gained a pant-size. It's been over 5 years since my last child and in the past year I have gained 7 pounds in addition to the baby-weight. My clothes are tight and I am not thrilled with the growing muffin-top...although my kids like to pat it and lay on my jiggly belly. At 5'3", my goal is to get down to 150 pounds from the 157.5 I was at the beginning of the year and to get healthier.
1. Does this goal follow God's priorities for my life?
My body is a temple for the living God...as such I need to feed it healthier foods and take better care of it. I have noticed an increasing lack of strength and muscle tone in my body, it shouldn't hurt to play with my children if my only reason for pain is being out of shape. I believe it is God's wish that all His children would be healthy and take care of themselves and others.
2. Is it a reasonable goal to accomplish with my strengths and weaknesses?
This question is a little more challenging. In my dream world, I will be able to lose all 32 pounds I have gained through child-bearing and eating poorly. But, knowing this is my first serious attempt and how hard it is to deny myself my favorite foods or the comfort of sitting brainless at the computer, I will be thrilled to lose the 7 pounds gained over the course of last year and fit well into my current clothing. I am hoping to create better eating habits and build upon those habits as I go.
3. Will this goal enhance the lives of those around me?
A resounding yes! My husband and children will greatly benefit from a healthier wife and mommy. My example of making healthier choices will be something my children can learn from and be proud of, and it will help encourage my husband in his own weight-loss battles.
4. Do I have support and accountability?
My husband is also in the mindset to lose weight. It was harder for me than him, but we actually had a candy-free Christmas this year and we didn't gain weight over the holidays! My co-worker's pact with her boyfriend to not eat out for 6 months is helping me to eat the school lunches at work rather than going out to eat during the work week. My accountability is lacking in this plan. To be honest, I have a fear of making a commitment and failing. Stepping on the scale is my biggest accountability so far because the scale doesn't lie.
5. What is my specific plan of action?
Consistency and learning new eating habits are my generic plans right now. We will see if this method works or not. Right now I am eating smaller portions, reducing my sugar intake (less pops, juice, and sweets). I am also working on drinking more water. During the work day I usually finish 16.9 oz, but I need to be drinking more than that. My goal right now is to drink at least twice that much. I do usually drink a good 24 oz at home in the evenings, but not always.
So far my plan seems to be working, at least slowly! I have lost 2.5 pounds in the last 5 weeks. "Slow and steady, steady and slow. That's the way we always go!" ~quote from my childhood Mickey Mouse book about Donald & Goofy racing. :0)
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Goal #1 - Deeper Relationship with Christ
Naturally, this is a great goal for anyone to have, but this goal is a biggie for me! I have to admit that I struggle to make Christ first when it comes to spending time with him. God really pressed it on my heart this past year in three very specific ways:
5. What is my specific plan of action? This part is a little more tricky to narrow down. I have to remain flexible, because I have found that if I create a routine for myself, it becomes more of a ritual than a relationship. Prayer is important. Reading my bible is important. Listening to worship music helps. Using my concordance and devotion books help guide me. I am careful to avoid falling into a ritual and have been seeking the Lord's guidance in how to not just go through the motions. Some days my mind is just so full of my mental 'to do' list or the stress of the day, that I journal about those things first before I can turn my attention to the Lord. I am considering getting a small CD player and some more worship CDs because I am missing my worship time. I haven't been singing like I used to and something about singing rather than just listening makes worship so much more personal!
1. Being challenged in my faith by other Christian's views that are different than mine.
2. Finding myself repeatedly failing in having a quality quiet time.
3. Feeling like I was going through the motions with good intentions, but not getting anywhere.
So, it has been my goal to truly seek the Lord. After all, in His word He promises that when we search for Him with all our heart, we will find Him. (Jeremiah 29:13) This goal is more difficult to specify because there is no specific formula for having a relationship with Christ.
But if I ask myself the 5 tips I shared in my last blog, here are the answers...
1. Does it follow God's priorities? Yes, God should always be number one, first in all I do. Too many times I allow the busyness of life to become my idol by pulling me away from my commitment to the Lord.
2. Is it a reasonable goal to accomplish with my strengths and weaknesses?
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13. This goal pushes me and I am learning to develop ways to overcome my weaknesses and laziness. One way is a little "quote" from Jesus that I have written and posted in my bedroom in my quiet time space. It says, "I am looking forward to our time together" ~Jesus. I posted this quote to remind me that not only should I be looking forward to my time with my Savior, but that He is also looking forward to spending time with me.
3. How will accomplishing this goal enhance the lives of those around me? Whenever I am centered on Christ, my behavior and attitudes are so much more loving, forgiving, and accepting than when I have been centered on myself. I am working on how to work my busy life in with the time I am spending with God...it isn't like I have spare time just hanging around, so I do have to make sacrifices of my time, and most often I am either sacrificing sleep or time playing computer games.
4. What support do I have in accomplishing this goal? When I was sharing with my husband my struggle to make time for God and my desire to have a special place to meet with God, it was his suggestion to make a change in the way our bedroom was arranged to accommodate my secretary desk. My desk in the corner with my lighthouse lamp, journal, devotion books, and bible have become my own little sanctuary. My hubby doesn't judge me or ask me how much time I have spent with God, but he is flexible when I tell him I am going to spend time with God and doesn't make demands on my time. Here's a quick pic of my Quiet Time space!
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