Hello and welcome to my website! Here is a lot-a-bit more about me, my life in a nutshell, or maybe a bucket...I'll try not to be too wordy!
Born in Iowa, I was "Daughter Number Two" and second oldest of four children. My parents were young and new to Christianity when they started their family so we all grew up "in the church" meaning that we attended church as often as possible...Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday nights, and any other special church events. Not going to church was never an option. Even on vacations we would find a church to attend on Sunday.
I remember very clearly one day at church my Sunday school teacher introducing the morning's topics and I was not paying attention. Somehow my thoughts were drawn to the fact that I was a sinner destined to hell. I knew I did not want that ending to my life story, I much preferred my happy ending would be me going to Heaven with Jesus.
So I followed the simple formula that I had been taught and while my teacher opened the class in prayer, I prayed my own prayer to accept Jesus as my Savior into my heart. I knew I couldn't get to Heaven on my own, that I had sin in my heart and only Jesus, who had died specifically to wash away that sin, could save me. It was January 1986. I was four years old going on five. (I only know the date because my mother wrote it down when I excitedly told her that morning what I had done).
The rest of my childhood was pretty typical, I think. I learned how to act like a Christian: what to do, what not to do, what to say, what not to say. I could talk-the-talk and walk-the-walk like a pro. Sometimes I was sincere in my faith and other times I was simply going through the motions to not be noticed by anybody.
By the time I reached High School, my faith was pretty shallow. It didn't have any substance for me other than I still believed in God and I knew that something was missing, but didn't know how to figure out what. I went on some mission trips and had fun at youth group, but once I met my future husband as a sophomore, I stopped attending the youth group. I still knew faith was important and invited my boyfriend to attend church with me, something he was actually interested in doing. Our faith was immature, but real.
We married a month after I graduated high school and moved away from home. Suddenly no one was telling me to go to church and my husband, who hadn't grown up "in the church" didn't care so much that we didn't go to church all the time. After all, the bible doesn't require church attendance to be a Christian, or at least that was our excuse. I considered letting go of my childhood faith, but couldn't deny the strong inner belief that my faith was truly real and so was God.
As was expected of kids our age, we were both attending college that fall. He to be a teacher and I to be something better than nothing. In all honesty my only life goal was to be a mom. My plan was to take general classes and get my AA degree done, along the way I would figure out what I wanted to become. Some plan, huh?
My cashiering job at Wal-Mart wasn't working with my school requirements so I ended up applying for a job in a child care program never dreaming they would actually hire me. Lo and behold, they did and I found my passion...the next best thing to being a mom! I've been in the field of early childhood ever since and it was working in a Christian based program that taught me about having a real relationship with God.
It was singing the old Sunday school songs with my class that the words finally clicked and had true meaning to them, and some godly women who showed me the way. Now, nearly 15 years later I am stronger than ever in my relationship with God and I am truly enjoying God for who He is to me and not just what I know about him. I will share more later about the journey of how my faith has grown during the adult years in another post...(Okay. So, well, I need to learn to write HTML first, so I've simply continued my post below for the time being).
**********************************************************************************
Adulthood...Don't ask me why, but I truly believed that once I became an adult I would have it all together. I would be completely mature and ready to make my contribution to the world. Are you rolling on the floor laughing at me yet? Even into my mid-twenties I still held out hope that once I had enough adult experience I would get to that point...now that I am nearing the mid-thirties range, I'm not so foolish.
I understand that having it all together is a charade, and making a contribution to the world is only accomplished by the grace of God in the midst of our human-ness. God has also brought me to a level of spiritual maturity that relates to the maturity I have as an adult. Here's how God has brought me to where I am:
While I felt obligated to find a church home as a young wife, we never felt comfortable in any of the churches we visited, probably more our issue than theirs. We listened to Christian speakers on occasion, Christian radio regularly, and I would read Christian books and my bible. We had no routine, no significant growth spiritually. Somehow, God was protecting us the whole time.
He gave us a perfect opportunity to step out in faith when after just over two years in our first city, my husband decided that the job market and his skill set didn't fit well. It was scary, but we quit our jobs and moved to Denver, Colorado without having new jobs lined up. The catch is that none of our actions aside from the move itself was done in faith. Our ignorant thought was that we would easily find jobs and continue to move up the ladder of worldly success. We didn't really pray or ask for God's help, we just assumed it would happen.
It took four months for my husband to find a job. The first job I found lasted a month. Then I finally started asking God to help me and He led me to the job I am still at. Instead of a strong example of how we could have trusted God, it is a story of how God was faithful despite our failure to acknowledge Him.
My new job was an environment that encouraged spiritual growth. I was expected to teach the children about Christ...my childhood foundation came in handy and it was through teaching children about Christ that I began seeing Him in a new light.
My boss conducted weekly meetings where we had prayer and fellowship. My faith blossomed and I brought it home with me. Over ten years into our marriage, my husband and I finally found a church home. We both began growing together in our faith. We had welcomed two beautiful girls to our family, and life started to feel pretty close to perfect.
Then in 2011 the bottom dropped out from under us. My husband was diagnosed with cancer. Our perfect little world shattered into pieces and for the first time in my life the choice of whether or not to truly trust the Lord was pushed directly in my face. It was a lesson in faith I sorely needed to learn.
Death was something we hadn't even considered before. Now I thought of it constantly. I worried and stressed over all the potential consequences I would have to face if my husband died. I reached a place where I could not function -the stress was taking over every moment of my life. I realized that either I had to believe that God was in this or lose my sanity to the detriment of my family. I chose to believe.
Belief transformed my stress into perfect, unexplainable peace. The concerns were still there. I never stopped feeling sad or afraid. But in those emotions I felt the peace of Christ. I no longer spent every waking moment consumed by worry.
Over the course of the year my husband underwent two surgeries, a six month remission and then a recurrence with two months of chemo therapy. It was the hardest year of my life. The year of recovery after was the second hardest. It was also the best growth spiritually I have ever experienced...growth I wouldn't trade for anything.
Thankfully my hubby has been in remission for two years now. I have no doubts about my beliefs and I don't doubt God. Now I strive to develop a better relationship with Him and to be the woman He has called me to be. It is a journey I am thrilled to be on, no matter what hardships come our way.
No comments:
Post a Comment